A Woman Married A Bridge

People who define marriage as existing between one man and one woman receive criticisms like:

• “You’re a bigot.”
• “You’re hateful, unloving, intolerant.”
• “What business is it of yours?”
• And probably the most common: “If two people love each other why can’t they…”

What would people making these criticisms say if…

• Two close relatives wanted to marry?
• An adult wanted to marry a young child?
• Multiple people wanted to be married to each other?
• Someone wanted to marry an animal, an inanimate object, or herself?

Typical responses would probably be…

• “That’s ridiculous!”
• “It’ll never get that far!”
• “You’re just being inflammatory!”
• “Quit being stupid.”

Apparently it’s not that ridiculous, far-fetched, inflammatory or stupid:

• Sharon Tendler married a dolphin. She said, “It’s not a perverted thing. I do love this dolphin. He’s the love of my life.”
• P. Selvakumar married a female dog.
• Joseph Guiso married his dog Honey.
• Bimbala Das married a snake.
• Three women married each other, and now they’re expecting their first child.
• Three men, Joke, Bell, and Art, married each other.

Nadine Schweigert married herself. She “exchanged rings with her inner groom” saying, “I feel very empowered, very happy, very joyous…I want to share that with people, and also the people in attendance, it’s a form of accountability.” Accountable to, or for, what? She’s going to have trouble staying faithful to herself? How could that be a problem?

Jodi Rose married the Devil’s Bridge and no, I’m not trying to make this sound satanic by giving the bridge that name. On her blog Jodi wrote, “The Devil’s Bridge is everything I could desire in a husband – sturdy, trustworthy, sensual, kind and handsome.”

Someone might say, “You can’t act like something’s a big deal just because ONE PERSON does it!” Okay…

• Eija-Ritta Berliner married the Berlin Wall (taking on the last name of her “husband”). She insists she has “a full, loving relationship with the wall…the Great Wall of China’s attractive, but he’s too thick – my husband is sexier.”
• A Korean man, Lee Jin-gyu married a pillow.
• A Japanese man known as Sal9000 married Nene Anegasaki who isn’t…anything. He married a personality in a video game.

Now there is a problem for some of these people: their countries don’t recognize their marriages. I know it’s hateful, bigoted, intolerant, unloving, and cruel, but it’s true. This leaves them two choices…

They can follow Sal’s example and go to Guam where he was able to have his marriage to Nene recognized. In Guam the people are tolerant, open-minded, kind, and loving. What kind of country would Guam be if it didn’t define marriage as the union between a human and an electronic device?

They can get enough people together to picket, have parades, scream about equal rights, kiss their dogs, pillows, walls, snakes, dolphins and video games until everyone’s convinced marriage should be whatever they want it to be…because if enough people think something is right, it must be right! These people love each other and who are we to say two (or three) people who love each other…er…I mean love animals…er, I mean love pillows…er, I mean love video games…er, I mean love walls…shouldn’t be able to marry.