Over the last few years, my husband and I have had some major breakthroughs communicating with each other. I feel that we have always had a great foundation communicating, but we were still missing the mark with each other. This is not to say that we have it all figured out, but there are a few things that we have discovered that keeps couples from communicating well.
Listening To Their Words Doesn’t Equal Understanding
We are told over and over again that all we have to do is really listen to our spouse. I can tell you that there have been plenty of times that I have intently listened to my husband and still didn’t understand what he was communicating. Why isn’t listening enough?
You Aren’t Speaking The Same Language
If I were listening to someone speak another language, I would have little idea of what they were trying to communicate. This happens in our native language as well. Words do not have the same meaning to everyone. One person in the relationship will say something as clearly as they know how and the other will not interpret it correctly.
My husband and I have very different ideas of the meaning of the word relax. For him, relax means to sit in front of the television and do nothing for the rest of the day. To me, relax means to leave the house and go do something so I can shut off the working part of my brain.
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Actions Are Misunderstood
Another major form of communication comes through your actions. You can very easily do something that sends the wrong message to your spouse. Just like our spoken words, our actions have different meanings.
You Aren’t Speaking The Same Love Language
For a long time, I didn’t give any credence to love languages. After being married for a few years, I came to realize that understanding the way your spouse gives and receives love is huge.
My love language isn’t the same as my husband. When I would show him love through my means, I’d be disappointed with his response. The same would happen when he would show love to me in his own way and I would unknowingly shoot him down.
By not knowing how your spouse gives and receives love, you can both feel unloved in the marriage. Not only that, their actions can communicate that you haven’t done enough when they ask you to show them love in their language.
Communicating Never Happens Without Distraction
There are many reasons that you and your spouse may be distracted while talking. It could be that you have children that are being loud. Maybe one or both of you are fielding work messages or texting with friends. Whatever it is, a couple isn’t focusing their full attention on one another.
Stop multi-tasking while you are talking with your spouse. It may mean for important conversations that you stop and have them at a later time when you can focus.
You Are Too Busy
What’s worse than having distracted conversations? Not having any conversations at all. Busyness is a big problem when it comes to keep a thriving relationship. If you have too much going on to connect, then you need to re-evaluate your schedule.
You Don’t Understand Your Own Feelings
There is no way that you can properly communicate to others if you don’t fully understand your feelings towards something. Your spouse may be doing something or saying something that hurts you, but you aren’t sure why. Self-awareness is vital to your ability to communicate yourself well.
These are some of the reasons that couples struggle to communicate with one another. Miscommunications lead to hurt, frustrations, and resentment in a relationship. It takes constant work to communicate yourself well.
Keelie is married to her high school sweetheart and is the mom of three awesome boys. She is a creator and loves sharing with the world around her. One of her biggest passions is to help married couples fall deeper in love with one another. She offers free printables to help the marriage relationship. You can read her marriage tips at Love Hope Adventure.