A Submissive Christian Wife Trusts God Versus Her Husband (1 Peter 3:5-6)

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A submissive Christian wife will put her trust in God versus her husband. Sarah is lifted out of the Old Testament and set down as the example for wives in the New Testament. Read or listen to this material from Your Marriage God’s Way or watch the message from the Your Marriage God’s Way Conference to learn, “What does biblical submission of a wife look like in practice?”

When learning how to grow as Christians, being told what to do can be instructive, but being shown what to do can be even better. This is why examples are so helpful. When I taught elementary school, I told my students what to do and gave them examples of what I taught.

The apostle Peter takes this approach in the New Testament. He finishes his instruction to women by lifting a woman out of the Old Testament—Abraham’s wife, Sarah—and using her as an example for church-age wives. Sarah demonstrated the submission and inner beauty Peter describes in 1 Peter 3:1-4. He writes, “In this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror” (1 Peter 3:5-6).

Two Reasons to Be Encouraged Sarah Was Chosen as the Example of a Submissive Christian Wife

First, Sarah Had to Submit to Abraham

Consider who Sarah submitted to: Abraham. It might be tempting for women to say, “I wouldn’t have any trouble submitting to my husband if I was married to Abraham!” While Abraham was indeed one of the most remarkable men of faith in Scripture, the truth is that being his wife was difficult. God’s call on Abraham’s life required him to leave a comfortable city life in Ur to become a wandering nomad (Genesis 12:1-5; Hebrews 11:8-10). How many places did Abraham and Sarah live? How many times did they have to move?

In addition, Abraham made some foolish decisions. Twice, he told Sarah to say she was his sister instead of his wife because he was afraid someone coveting her beauty might murder him to seize Sarah. He was willing to endanger his wife to protect himself:

[Abraham] said to Sarai his wife, “Indeed I know that you are a woman of beautiful countenance. Therefore it will happen, when the Egyptians see you, that they will say, ‘This is his wife’; and they will kill me, but they will let you live. Please say you are my sister, that it may be well with me for your sake, and that I may live because of you” (Genesis 12:11-13; see Genesis 20:2 for the second instance).

As a result, Sarah ended up in a pagan king’s harem twice, which must have been terrifying for her. Worse yet, Abraham didn’t do anything to save her. In contrast, when his nephew Lot was captured, he organized a war party to rescue him:

When Abram heard that [Lot] was taken captive, he armed his three hundred and eighteen trained servants…and he and his servants attacked them…and also brought back his brother Lot and his goods, as well as the women and the people (Genesis 14:14-16).

How would that make a wife feel? Far from being a strong, brave husband to whom it would be easy to submit and follow, Abraham was, at times, a cowardly, compromising husband. Peter more than likely chose Sarah as an example for wives because of how difficult and terrifying it was for her to submit to Abraham at times.

Second, Sarah Didn’t Always Submit Perfectly

Sarah was not always a picture of submission and faith. If Sarah had been the perfect submissive Christian wife, it would be discouraging for women to think they must emulate her. But Sarah had her struggles. We know she failed to trust God when she convinced Abraham to fulfill God’s promise of a son and heir through her handmaid Hagar. Sarah sought to control her husband, and the result ended up being a disaster on several levels. She also failed when God visited Abraham to tell him she would have a child the following year at age 90. Sarah laughed because of her lack of faith and lied when God confronted her (Genesis 18:12-15).

In light of these incidents, we could almost wonder why Sarah was chosen as an example of a submissive Christian wife. But Peter tells us the answer: “Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord” (1 Peter 3:6). Despite Sarah’s mistakes, for the most part, she was a woman who respected her husband and submitted to him. The title “lord” was used often in the Old Testament to show reverence for someone. The closest comparable English expression would be addressing a man as sir. This doesn’t mean today’s wives must address their husbands as “lord,” but the principle still applies that God calls wives to respect and submit to their husbands like Sarah did to Abraham.

A Submissive Christian Wife Will Submit When She Fears

The final part of 1 Peter 3:6 offers wives a unique title. They can be identified as “[Sarah’s] daughters” if they “do good and are not afraid with any terror.” The Greek word translated “terror” is ptoesis:

• In Luke 21:9, Jesus used the verb form to tell His disciples, “When you hear of wars and commotions, do not be terrified [ptoeo].”
• In Luke 24:37, the adjective form is used when Jesus appeared to the disciples after His resurrection: “They were terrified [ptoeo] and frightened, and supposed they had seen a spirit.”

Terror is stronger than ordinary worries, anxieties, or even fears. Terror is what people feel on a plane about to crash, when a doctor announces they have cancer, or when they receive a call that one of their children has been in an accident. And apparently, terror is also what wives might feel when it comes to submitting to their husbands! A submissive Christian wife today probably won’t experience the same terror that Sarah experienced when she ended up in a king’s harem. However, a woman may face plenty of legitimate terrors when she submits to her husband. She may find herself asking,

• “What happens if this decision ruins our family?”
• “What happens if he is unable to pay these bills?”
• “What happens if we can’t afford to eat?”
• “What happens if he shouldn’t take this job?”
• “What happens if we move there and it ends up being a disaster?”

How can wives be “Sarah’s daughters” and handle the terror they experience when they submit to their husbands? They can consider Sarah’s example of how she dealt with the terror she felt while submitting to Abraham, and how the other holy women of God handled the terror, they felt when they submitted to their husbands. We are told they “trusted in God…being submissive to their own husbands” (1 Peter 3:5). Sarah could submit to Abraham’s poor decisions because she trusted God and believed He was in control.

Godly Wives Submit Because They Trust God

It’s important to notice why Sarah and the other holy women of the Old Testament submitted to their husbands. It wasn’t because they trusted their husbands, thought they were perfect, or expected them to make the right decisions. They submitted because they “trusted God.” A wife’s submission to her husband has less to do with her relationship with her husband and more with her relationship with the Lord. A woman’s trust in God combats the fear—or terror—she experiences when she submits to her husband.

In marriage counseling sessions, I often hear women say, “It would be easier for me to submit to my husband if I could trust him,” or “I do trust God. I don’t trust my husband.” A wife is not expected to submit to her husband because she trusts him. Instead, she is expected to submit because she trusts God. When a wife submits to her husband, she shows she trusts God.

Conversely, when a wife does not submit, she shows she does not trust God. Why is this the case? God commands wives to submit to their husbands. When wives obey God in this way, they show that they trust the one who gave them the command.

Both accounts of Abraham asking Sarah to say she was his sister should be a great encouragement for women because they reveal Sarah’s trust was well placed. God protected her and kept her captors from consummating a relationship with her:

• Genesis 12:17—“The Lord plagued Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai, Abram’s wife.”
• Genesis 20:3—“God came to Abimelech in a dream by night, and said to him, ‘Indeed you are a dead man because of the woman whom you have taken, for she is a man’s wife.’”

In both instances, Sarah was rescued from captivity, and her deliverance came from God’s direct intervention. In the end, Sarah’s submission produced blessing not just for her but for her husband as well:

Abimelek brought sheep and cattle and male and female slaves and gave them to Abraham, and he returned Sarah his wife to him. And Abimelek said, “My land is before you; live wherever you like.” To Sarah he said, “I am giving your brother a thousand shekels of silver. This is to cover the offense against you before all who are with you; you are completely vindicated” (Genesis 20:14-16).

Sarah experienced difficult circumstances because of her submission to Abraham, but God vindicated and blessed her and her husband.

Encouraged by Sarah’s Example of Trusting God

Wives should keep Sarah’s example in mind when they fear their husband is making a wrong decision. This isn’t to say that God will bless every wife’s submission the same way He blessed Sarah’s, but a wife can keep two things in mind: First, just as God was in control of Sarah’s circumstances, He is in control of the wife’s circumstances. Second, just as He worked through Sarah’s submission to bring about the best end, He will work through the wife’s submission to bring about the best end.

Encouraged by Jesus’s Example of Trusting God

Wives should also be encouraged by Jesus’s example because He, too, submitted by trusting God. In Hebrews 2:13, He said, “I will put My trust in Him,” and 1 Peter 2:23 says Jesus “entrusted himself to him who judges justly.” Just as wives must put themselves in God’s hands, Jesus put Himself in His Father’s hands.

These verses reveal how much Jesus fully identified with us at the incarnation. The reality of His humanity was demonstrated by going so far as to live by faith: “Although Jesus was Himself God and omnipotent, in His humiliation and in His human nature here on earth He depended on God in complete trust.”¹ When wives struggle to trust God, they can find encouragement in Jesus as a role model because He, too, relied upon God during His earthly life.

A Submissive Christian Wife Keeps Her Strength Under Control

Submission involves trusting God and overcoming fear (and even terror). This reveals two things about women who submit: They’re spiritually strong and brave.

Contrary to what culture says, submission is not a sign of weakness. Instead, it’s a sign of strength. Submission isn’t a sign of faithlessness but of faithfulness. The failure to submit to the husband—and ultimately, to the Lord—reveals weakness and fear. The willingness to submit reveals a strong, godly woman filled with faith.

Let me share a story that illustrates this point. The summer after I finished eighth grade, my parents flew me from California to upstate New York to work on my uncle’s dairy farm. Being 13 years old and having no friends in the area, I had to find things to do to entertain myself. My uncle had a bull that stood at the end of the barn, staring straight ahead all day. One day, I thought getting him to move would be fun. As I stood before the bull, he lifted his head underneath me and launched me into the air. Think of a cowboy thrown off a bull during a rodeo; you have the correct imagery. Fortunately, the barn’s ceiling was high, so I did not slam into it, but I did come crashing down onto the cement floor.

A man who worked on the farm saw what happened and ran to me. He screamed, “You could have gotten yourself killed! Do you see that little chain around the bull’s neck? That’s all that’s holding him there. He could break it at any moment!”

My first thought was, They need to put a bigger chain around the bull’s neck! My second thought was that the bull had so much strength but allowed himself to be subdued by so little.

Submission is a choice; it is voluntary and deliberate. Husbands know a wife can choose to rebel rather than submit. A wife can “break” her husband’s headship, “launch him into the air,” and send him crashing back down to earth. When a wife chooses to submit to her husband willingly, she exhibits great strength that is subdued and controlled.

The Premier Demonstration of Strength Under Control

Think of the immense strength Jesus had that allowed Him to control demons and nature: “With authority and power He commands the unclean spirits, and they come out…He commands even the winds and water, and they obey Him!” (Luke 4:36; 8:25). Compare that to what Jesus said when a mob came to arrest Him and Peter took out his sword to defend Him: “Put your sword [away]…do you think that I cannot now pray to My Father, and He will provide Me with more than twelve legions of angels?” (Matthew 26:52-53). Jesus had immense power and authority at His disposal, but He subdued it so that He could “[lay] down his life for us” (1 John 3:16). Nobody took Jesus’s life from Him:

I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep…As the Father knows Me, even so I know the Father; and I lay down My life for the sheep…Therefore My Father loves Me, because I lay down My life that I may take it again. No one takes it from Me, but I lay it down of Myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This command I have received from My Father…Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends (John 10:11,15,17-18; 15:13).

Nobody has ever had greater power, authority, and strength than Jesus, but He kept it under control so that He could die for our sins. When wives struggle to keep their strength under control, they should be encouraged by Jesus’s example.

Footnotes

1. R.C.H. Lenski, The Interpretation of the Epistle to the Hebrews and the Epistle of James (Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg, 1966), 87.