My father, John, passed away from Alzheimer’s, as did his father, Arnold. Months ago, I learned that my uncle has Alzheimer’s, and today I learned that my aunt does too. The message fittingly read: “This disease is so prevalent on the LaPierre side of the family,” and then, because of the years with my dad, “Scott, if you have any words of advice or things to help us, we would appreciate it.”
As I prepared the advice, it turned out to be much longer than I anticipated. I thought that if it could help the family members I share with, I should put it on my blog to hopefully help others who have to walk through this disease with a loved one. So here are the seven pieces of advice I have for loved ones with Alzheimer’s.
Table of contents
First, Alzheimer’s disease manifests itself differently in each individual.
Dad struggled with anger throughout most of my childhood, so I expected the disease to make him angrier; however, he just seemed to become sad, emotional, and would wander off. I can’t think of a time he seemed angry.
Second, keep the brain active.
Practically speaking, the best thing a person with Alzheimer’s can do is use their brain as much as possible. It doesn’t fix or reverse things, but it does slow things down. Fortunately, Dad loved doing Sudoku and crossword puzzles, and as things worsened, he enjoyed drawing.
Third, make the best of the situations you find yourselves in.
When Dad walked off, Mom and I would follow him around the neighborhood, having some enjoyable conversations. He would take his toothbrush, razor, and Bible. A friend of mine said, “What else does a man need?” I was blessed that these came to mind for Dad as necessary enough to bring. When Dad began coloring, something I don’t ever remember him doing when I was growing up, we (especially my mom) started coloring with him.
Fourth, the disease is harder on the family.
Alzheimer’s is harder on the loved ones, especially the spouse, than on the individual with the disease. You lose the person twice: first, when they become someone you no longer recognize. Death is the second loss.
Fifth, provide children.
Fortunately, we lived within walking distance of Dad and Mom, so I could head over to help Mom whenever she needed it. Dad would be sad, I would show up with a few children, and it was like flipping a switch. He would be overcome with joy. Children are blessings in many ways (Psalm 127), and I believe that few things bring more happiness to people with Alzheimer’s than their grandchildren.
Sixth, don’t argue.
The days of reasoning and rationalizing are over. Don’t try to win any arguments. It’s frustrating for both parties. Instead, love, listen, and agree.
Seventh, avoid regrets.
Mom had surgery, and I spent the night with Dad because he couldn’t be by himself. I was putting him to bed, and he was putting his pajamas on over his clothes. I got to help him get into bed, taking out his hearing aids and tucking him. Knowing your parents do this for you when you are a child, there’s something surreal about doing it for your parents.
When Dad was lying down, I kissed him and hugged him goodnight, just as I do with my own children. I also looked him in the eyes and said, “Dad, I love you very much. You know that, right?” I repeated this to him a few times, and he communicated that he understood. I’m thankful for that evening, and I can’t think of anything I wish I had said to Dad that I didn’t.
Say the things you need to say while you still have time to do so. Don’t ever assume you will have another chance in the future. With people with Alzheimer’s, it’s even more important because they might still be alive but past understanding what you want to tell them.
4 Responses
My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease at 55; he would hallucinate and have conversations with the people he was seeing. Last year, he turned 64 and could no longer walk; his speech was becoming impaired. The doctor prescribed Seroquel. It helped, but only temporarily. Around January this year, we started him on the Limitless Health Center Neuro X formula, which was introduced to us by his primary care doctor. Two months into the herbal treatment, he improved dramatically. By the end of the full treatment course, the disease was completely under control. No signs of dementia, hallucinations, or memory loss, and he can walk and exercise again. The disease is fully managed. We feel very fortunate to have discovered this herb formula. I hope someone finds this helpful.
Hello Elizabeth,
Are you trying to encourage people with loved ones with Alzheimer’s or sell a product?
Very helpful things to keep in mind for those walking through that season. Thank you for the insight. Bless you all for the care you gave him, such a precious testimony to witness.
Melissa,
Thank you!