What Is the Biblical Definition of Helpmeet

What Is the Biblical Definition of Helpmeet in Genesis 2:18?

In Genesis 2:18, God said, “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helpmeet (helper).” What does the bible mean when it says the wife is the helpmeet? Read or listen to this material from Your Marriage God’s Way to learn the biblical definition of helpmeet.

Your Marriage God's Way book and workbook by Scott LaPierre

A Helpmeet (Helper) Comparable to Him

Some women might find it offensive to be identified as their husband’s “helpmeet,” but the title does not imply that Eve was insufficient in some way. Instead, the term “helpmeet” identifies Adam’s inadequacy! In the Amplified Bible, Genesis 2:18 reads, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone.’” Woman is the helpmeet man needs because he is lacking without her. God created woman to remove man’s deficiency:

To call a woman a helpmeet is not to emphasize her weakness, but her strength. Not to label her as superfluous but as essential to Adam’s condition and to God’s purpose in the world. Helpmeet is a position of dignity given to the woman by God Himself.

Richard and Sharon Phillips, Holding Hands, Holding Hearts (Phillipsburg, NJ: Presbyterian & Reformed, 2006), 26-27.

The Hebrew word translated as “helpmeet” is ezer, and it means “help” or “one who helps.” The word occurs 21 times in the Old Testament, including twice in Genesis 2—first in verse 18, then again in verse 20 when Adam named the animals and could not find “a helpmeet comparable to him.” In the other 19 appearances, ezer is never used in a negative sense. The term doesn’t describe a sycophant, minion, or slave. Instead, it is used to describe great strength and support. Consider these verses:

  • “Happy are you, O Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the Lord, the shield of your help [ezer] and the sword of your majesty!” (Deuteronomy 33:29).
  • “I will scatter to every wind all who are around him to help [ezer] him, and all his troops” (Ezekiel 12:14).

Considering these contexts, identifying a woman as her husband’s ezer reveals her as a powerful and influential companion.

God as Our Ezer

We see the word ezer used 11 times in the Psalms. Every time, it describes God as our helper. Some examples include:

  • “Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help [ezer] and our shield” (Psalm 33:20).
  • “Make haste to me, O God! You are my help [ezer] and my deliverer” (Psalm 70:5).
  • “O Israel, trust in the Lord; He is their help [ezer] and their shield” (Psalm 115:9).

The very word used to describe a woman’s role is a title that describes God Himself! Because the identification of God as our helper does not make us think less of God, we should not let it think it diminishes a woman’s role as her husband’s helper.

The Holy Spirit as Our Helper

In the New Testament, Jesus used the title “Helper” for the Holy Spirit when He promised not to abandon the disciples after His departure:

  • “I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper” (John 14:16).
  • “The Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name…” (John 14:26).
  • “It is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you” (John 16:7).

What a privilege for women to carry the same title Jesus gave to the Holy Spirit! The title of ezer or helper is not one of inferiority but of honor.

The Commendable Nature of Helping

Biblically speaking, helping and serving are two of the most admirable actions we can engage in as Christians. Jesus modeled such behavior and called His followers to do the same:

Whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many (Matthew 20:26-28).

Few actions are commanded as often in Scripture or look more like Christ than helping and serving. As a result, wives should find it encouraging to be called their husbands’ helpmeet. They should not let society’s stereotypes influence their thinking. Instead, they should joyfully embrace the role God has given them. Well-known author and speaker on marriage Nancy Campbell says,

[Ladies] are you feeling base and discouraged? Don’t listen to these lies any longer. Lift up your head and embrace your mandate from God. You are not working for any earthly employer, but for the King of kings and Lord of lords, the Sovereign God of the universe. When He calls you a helpmeet you can hold your head high.

A Helpmeet (Helper) Suited to the Husband

You would think that if God called wives to be helpmeets (helpers), He would have provided specific instructions on how to help! But interestingly, there is no list in Scripture telling wives how to fulfill this role. I suspect this is because every man is unique. Every husband has different strengths and weaknesses, making it impossible to say how a wife should help because men will want and need help in different ways.

Some men love to cook and enjoy taking on that responsibility. Men who struggle to make toast will find it helpful if their wives cook. Some men could not balance a checkbook if their lives depended on it, and for those men, it would be helpful if their wives handled the finances. For other couples, the wives feel better about letting their husbands oversee the budget. The important point about being a helpmeet is that wives can learn what their husbands need and then strive to help in those ways.

Let me share an example from my own life. Much of my ministry revolves around preaching, and Sunday’s sermon receives significant attention. I review the message twice weekly with Katie; her feedback greatly improves it. She is a godly woman who knows the Word and makes wonderful contributions. A weakness I had when I started pastoring was sharing a lot of technical information in my sermons but little in the way of application. My wife has helped me in this area by regularly asking, “What does this have to do with our lives? How will this challenge us in the different roles we find ourselves?”

Katie has also helped me to speak more clearly, letting me know when something I say is confusing. I might respond, “This is what I was trying to say,” and she will say, “That’s not how it sounded before. What you just said makes more sense.” Because of this feedback, I often say from the pulpit, “When I was going over the sermon with Katie…” The congregation knows how much Katie helps me, so I often hear people say, “You two make a great team.” And they’re right! I am a better preacher because of the time and effort Katie has committed to going over my sermons with me.

While your husband probably isn’t a preacher, the principle is still the same. As a wife, you want to look for the unique areas where your strengths can complement your husband’s needs and weaknesses.

Hopefully, a wife will be committed to helping her husband even if the way she helps is not something she enjoys doing. Consider what happens when children say they want to help. When we suggest what they can do, they sometimes respond, “I would rather do this instead.” As a result, the children end up not being much help at all. Unfortunately, some wives have a similar attitude. They say they want to help their husbands, but only if they can do something they enjoy doing. Wives who have this attitude cannot be much help to their husbands.

Helping Is a Two-Way Street

One of the most common complaints I hear from wives is, “My husband doesn’t communicate with me!” Wives are not mind readers, and husbands are notorious for giving short and sometimes ambiguous answers. Many wives who desire to be good helpmeets cannot do so because they don’t know what their husbands want. Husbands can help their wives tremendously by communicating with them clearly and more frequently. I will say this: Husband, help your wife be your helpmeet by letting her know how she can help you.

Also, just because God graciously gave Adam a wife to complement him and help meet his needs does not mean a wife should endlessly serve her husband while he does not lift a finger. Though Scripture identifies wives as helpmeets, husbands are also to help their wives. Sometimes, a husband is called to take over some of his wife’s responsibilities.

Katie has a condition called hyperemesis gravidarum, which means she gets extremely sick during pregnancy. During this season, Katie can barely get out of bed some mornings, much less care for five other children eight and under. We homeschool, so they need their work supervised. Our youngest child needs to be watched so she does not fall down the stairs, put something in her mouth that she should not, or find herself crushed when her older brothers wrestle with each other.

By God’s grace, my job has a flexible schedule. On those days (or weeks) when Katie’s sickness is worst, I stay home in the morning and work later in the evenings. I also take over several of Katie’s everyday responsibilities. Every time I “play mom,” I am reminded of how hard my wife works, and this causes me to be very thankful for her.

What Does a Wife’s Help Look Like Practically?

Just as the curse was pronounced on Adam’s work, it also was pronounced on Eve’s labors. God’s Word reveals the two areas where He primarily wants women invested. In Genesis 3:16, He said to Eve, “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in pain you shall bring forth children; your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” In this passage, God mentioned a woman’s children and husband because this is where most of her time and energy are committed and needed. This pattern continues all through Scripture: When God speaks about a wife’s calling in life, her husband, children, and home are emphasized. For example, 1 Timothy 2:15 says women “will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.” We know from other passages in Scripture that this doesn’t mean women are spiritually saved by having children. So what does it mean that women “will be saved in childbearing”?

First, raising children is the primary sphere of ministry in which married women serve the Lord and work out their salvation. Second, “saved” is used synonymously with sanctified in this verse. Any mother can tell you raising children is sanctifying! Is there any other occupation that teaches patience, gentleness, self-denial, and self-sacrifice more than mothering? My wife says nothing in her life causes her to cling to the Lord and trust Him more than caring for our children. This is one of the reasons children are a blessing (Psalm 127:3).

Several verses in Scripture encourage married women to focus on the care of their homes:

  • “The wise woman builds her house” (Proverbs 14:1).
  • “I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house” (1 Timothy 5:14).
  • “Older women…admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers” (Titus 2:3-5).

Our culture diminishes the value of a woman caring for her home, but because Scripture emphasizes it so much, we can tell it’s important to God. Keeping this in mind helps us appreciate the value of homemaking because value is determined by God. Even if homemaking is despised in the world’s eyes, if it’s important to God, it is important regardless of what anyone else says. The woman who cares for her home is doing something that pleases God and has spiritual and eternal value.

This isn’t to say a woman can only care for her home, family, and children. While these are a woman’s primary sphere of influence, this doesn’t mean they are her only realms of influence, as we’ll see later.

Important Considerations for Helpmeets

Life does not always go the way we expect. I have known couples who would like the wife to be able to stay home, but economic realities, an injured husband, or a financial emergency require the wife to earn some income. Some women don’t have husbands because they never married or are widowed. Their greatest desire might be staying home, but they must work to provide for themselves and their children.

A young wife might long to have children, but perhaps she’s been unable to get pregnant. She takes good care of her home and husband but still has enough time to work outside the home. She is willing to do so and can contribute to the income without neglecting her other responsibilities. Then there is the very difficult dilemma faced by a single mother. She might want more than anything to have a husband who provides for her and her child so she can stay home. But the most responsible thing for her is working to care for herself and her child.

Women who find themselves in these and other situations should never be made to feel condemned because, given their circumstances, the best way for them to honor God and care for their families (or themselves) is by working outside the home.

Don’t Despise the Day of Small Things

Let me share an account from the Old Testament that I hope will encourage wives. When the Babylonians conquered the southern kingdom of Judah in 586 BC, they destroyed the temple in Jerusalem. They then took most of the Jews into exile in Babylon.

Decades later, King Cyrus of Persia permitted the Jews to return to their land and rebuild the temple. Remember that some of these exiles had seen Solomon’s temple before it was destroyed. When the people laid the foundation for the new temple, “many of the priests and Levites and heads of the fathers’ houses, old men who had seen the first temple, wept with a loud voice when the foundation of this temple was laid before their eyes” (Ezra 3:12). They wept because they thought the new temple wouldn’t compare with the previous one. God rebuked them with two questions He asked through the prophets:

  • Haggai asked, “Who is left among you who saw this temple in its former glory? And how do you see it now? In comparison with it, is this not in your eyes as nothing?…The glory of this latter temple shall be greater than the former” (Haggai 2:3, 9). In man’s eyes, the new temple was inferior to Solomon’s temple, but in God’s eyes, it would be greater.
  • Zechariah asked, “Who has despised the day of small things? For these seven rejoice to see the plumb line in the hand of Zerubbabel. They are the eyes of the Lord, which scan to and fro throughout the whole earth” (Zechariah 4:10).

When the prophet wrote, “These seven…are the eyes of the Lord,” he wasn’t saying God has seven eyes. Rather, in Scripture, seven is the number of completion, and here, the prophet refers to God’s omniscience or complete knowledge, which allows Him to see “throughout the whole earth.” A “plumb line” is a builder’s tool, and God “rejoiced” to see it in the hand of Zerubbabel, the Jews’ leader. As the Jews rebuilt the temple, they “despised” it as a “day of small things,” but in God’s eyes, the work was great enough to cause Him to “rejoice.”

This applies to all of us. We may despise what God wants us to do by viewing our work as small things. When that happens, we should encourage ourselves with Zechariah’s words to the Jews. God rejoices in the seemingly small. We shouldn’t despise the things that cause God to rejoice, which means they aren’t small! They’re great because they please Him and bring Him joy. A calling or task is great when it brings God pleasure.

We find similar examples of this in the New Testament. In the parable of the talents, the master commended the first two workers, saying to them, “Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord” (Matthew 25:21; see also verse 23). Similarly, in the parable of the minas, the master said, “Well done, good servant; because you were faithful in a very little, have authority over ten cities” (Luke 19:17). Note that in both parables, the master didn’t commend faithfulness over great things. Instead, he rewarded faithfulness over “very little” and “few things.” These small areas of faithfulness might seem insignificant from an earthly perspective, but because the workers pleased the master, they brought him joy and earned wonderful rewards.

What does this have to do with wives helping? When wives focus on caring for their homes and families, their lives might seem filled with small, despised things such as laundry, meals, and cleaning. If God has called women to do these things, then they aren’t small to Him, which means they shouldn’t be considered small to us. Women will find themselves tempted to pursue the things that seem great from an earthly perspective, but they’re doing great things when they do what is great in God’s eyes: care for their husbands and homes:

The woman who makes a sweet, beautiful home, filling it with love and prayer and purity, is doing something better than anything else her hands could find to do beneath the skies.

J.R. Miller, Secrets of Happy Home Life: What Have You to Do With It? (New York: Thomas Crowell, 1894), 12.

The Virtuous Wife of Proverbs 31

A well-known passage reveals what it means—and does not mean—biblically for a wife to be her husband’s helpmeet. Proverbs 31 includes a portrait of what is commonly known as the virtuous wife. One might say this is a description of the ideal woman. Interestingly, these verses were written in a cultural context when women were not only legal possessions of men, but their sphere of influence traditionally did not extend beyond the home and raising children. As a result, this passage’s description of a virtuous woman’s attributes can help us break out of stereotypes often perpetuated about women’s roles.

Verses 11-12 say, “The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” This husband trusts her in more ways than one. He knows she works hard and does not need someone looking over her shoulder to ensure she uses her time or the family’s finances well. He also trusts her faithfulness to him, knowing she is the opposite of the adulterous wife in Proverbs 7:10-23, who entices the foolish young man with the temptation, “My husband is not at home.” The husband of a virtuous woman has “no lack of gain” because, as his helpmeet, she works hard to “[do] him good.”

The rest of the passage elaborates on how a virtuous wife does good for (or helps) her husband, family, and others. Proverbs 31:13- 16 describes her activities:

She seeks wool and flax, and willingly works with her hands. She is like the merchant ships, she brings her food from afar. She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household, and a portion for her maidservants. She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard.

She gathers materials to help her family. She is diligent with her hands and journeys to secure the best food for her loved ones. Her hardworking nature is shown in the way she gets up before dawn to have food prepared not just for her family but also for the servants. She is industrious and resourceful; she buys a field and reinvests the profits to make more money. This is important because it shows that women can engage in work that provides for their families financially. Simply put, men are not the only ones who can earn money.

The passage then elaborates on other ways this woman helps her family, the poor, and herself. Proverbs 31:17-22 states:

She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good, and her lamp does not go out by night…She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household is clothed with scarlet. She makes tapestry for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.

This virtuous woman’s hardworking nature enabled her to be strong and healthy. Everything she made for her family, such as food and clothing, was of high quality, and she was willing to work late into the night to make these provisions. Her inventory was large enough to help those in poverty. She anticipated her family’s needs and made sure they were met. While providing for others, she did not neglect to provide high-quality possessions for herself.

Verse 24 continues, “She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies sashes for the merchants.” That is, her efforts bless many. While working for the benefit of others, she carefully prioritized her home: “She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness” (verse 27).

The virtuous wife is a skilled homemaker yet can simultaneously engage in industrious activities outside the home. In the New Testament, we find two examples of godly women working:

  • Lydia “was a seller of purple…who worshiped God” (Acts 16:14).
  • Priscilla and her husband Aquila “were tentmakers” (Acts 18:3).

How do we reconcile these two investments of time and energy for women—working and homemaking—that seem to be at odds with each other? The simple answer is that women work without neglecting the care of their families. They probably perform many of these activities from their homes. A wife’s work should still allow her to care for her home and help her husband. These are her most important ministries; therefore, they should never suffer from anything she engages in.

Three Threats to a Wife as a Helpmeet

Three major threats can prevent a wife from being the helpmeet God desires her to be.

Threat One: Pursuit of Wealth

A wife’s wealth while caring for herself and her family is not a threat. Instead, the threat is pursuing wealth by keeping up with neighbors or pursuing a more upscale lifestyle than necessary or can be afforded. While it’s reasonable for women to work for the aforementioned reasons, it’s unreasonable for them to work for selfish pursuits that cause them to neglect their homes and husbands. No godly woman will look back and say,

  • “I’m so glad we got this bigger house, even though it meant hardly seeing my children.”
  • “This extra income has been such a blessing, even though it meant late nights away from my husband.”
  • “I’m so thankful for that promotion, even though it meant rarely being home.”

Threat Two: Idleness

First Timothy 5:13 warns women against being “idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not.” The Proverbs 31 woman is the opposite of what Paul described—she’s busy with her own house and her own family’s affairs rather than the houses or affairs of others.

Even when women are at home, idleness can still cause them to neglect their husbands, children, or home. They must be intentional to ensure they aren’t overly invested in frivolous activities. There are plenty of ways women can waste their time, and you’ll know best where your time wasters are if you ask God to reveal them to you.

There are many activities Scripture doesn’t forbid, yet engaging in them prohibits women from paying sufficient attention to the priorities God has given them. Though the Proverbs 31 woman engaged in several activities that could be called hobbies, we can see that those pursuits benefited her family.

Threat Three: Misplaced Self-Worth

Some women don’t find the same satisfaction in caring for their homes, husbands, and children that they find in the workplace. Money, promotions, praise, and the opportunity to compete with men can appeal to their sense of self-worth. While these might seem good, we need to remember where Scripture emphasizes a married woman’s calling. What seems to us to be small things are great in God’s eyes, which also means that what seems great in our eyes can be small in God’s eyes. What does God value most?

Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” God has informed us, in Scripture, about His “good and acceptable and perfect will.” We’ve seen passages that affirm the greatness of a woman as a helpmeet who cares for her home and children and affirm that a virtuous woman can pursue business interests outside the home. Because both are possible, we must remember what is of greatest value to God so a woman’s self-worth isn’t misplaced.

Biblically speaking, women have allowed themselves to become conformed to this world when they work outside the home for these reasons:

  • They believe focusing on home and family gives them less value.
  • They assume their self-worth is based on work pursuits and not caring for their home and family.
  • They feel that caring for their home and family doesn’t allow them to experience the fulfillment they crave.

When any of these perspectives affect a woman’s thinking, she has been influenced more by the world than by Scripture. When that happens, she will want to renew her mind by reading God’s Word and letting it shape her thinking, as urged in Romans 12:2.

When a married woman fulfills God’s priorities, she will receive her greatest sense of value. She will experience her greatest sense of self-worth when she focuses on being a helpmeet. The married woman humbly fulfilling the role and responsibilities God has called her to should feel more valuable than if she were a company’s CEO.

Although our culture is quick to praise women climbing the corporate ladder, research suggests that many women working outside the home find less job satisfaction and long to return to their families.

Researcher Daniele Lup, a senior lecturer in quantitative sociology at Middlesex University, studied ten years of data from thousands of male and female employees promoted to upper and lower management roles. She concluded that men reported increased job satisfaction after being promoted, but women experienced significantly less satisfaction when they were promoted. This was true even in corporate America.

In 2009, the IZA Institute of Labor Economics published “The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness.” The study found that in the 1970s, women rated their overall life satisfaction higher than men. Since then, with more women working outside the home, the women’s scores have continually decreased while men’s scores have stayed around the same. By the 1990s, women were unhappier than men even though their salaries went from earning less than 60 percent of a man’s median salary to earning more than 75 percent of it. In other words, while women continued to seek satisfaction in the business world and experienced greater success, their happiness headed in the other direction.

This confirms that true fulfillment is found not in following culture’s expectations but in God’s design.

Praise for Such a Helpmeet

How does the virtuous wife’s family react to her? Proverbs 31:28-29 says, “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.’” There are not many satisfactions a woman can enjoy more than receiving her husband’s and children’s praise for her diligence in caring for them!

Verse 30 says, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” Of all that can be said about the virtuous wife, this is the highest compliment, indicating she is as strong and impressive spiritually as she is in all the other areas of life. Her character outweighs her industriousness or business expertise. Holiness and godliness are of greater importance—and deserve more respect—than any amount of charisma, natural talent, or physical beauty.

Proverbs 31 concludes with verse 31: “Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates.” While this passage is instructive for women, it is a strong admonition to husbands to praise their wives when they pursue excellence in their labors. Women who have done so much for others should, in turn, be thanked and rewarded for what they have done.

In our day, the reference to “praise her in the gates” might be like putting a notice in a public place, such as the local newspaper, a community bulletin board, or social media. In Bible days, the gates were where the city leaders sat in session and where the news and commerce were distributed. Earlier in the passage, we were told that the virtuous wife’s husband “is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land” (verse 23). He is a well-known leader in the community, and, by implication, part of his good reputation results from his wife’s good reputation. But a loving husband does not merely bask in his wife’s good reputation. The implication here is that he openly brags about her to others because of the wonderful helpmeet she is. We, husbands, should never complain about our wives but rather make a point to praise them to others.

Despite what the world preaches and promotes, remember that women who care for their homes and families serve an incredibly valuable role in God’s eyes. What seems small in the world’s eyes is often great in God’s eyes. Women can have a very powerful influence on their husbands, children, and many others beyond their immediate family. Every work they do that pleases the Lord will bless the people in their lives and have eternal consequences.

20 Responses

  1. Wow, there’s a lot about women caring for the home and also providing. Then what are the main responsibilities of a man in marriage.

    1. Hello Ajoke ,
      The title of the post lets you know that it’s defining a helpmeet, which is a title for wives. Of course there’s going to be a lot about women. Why would there be discussion of men’s responsibilities in a post about wives?
      I do have posts about husbands and what they are supposed to be and do you if you want to read them. Here are two of them but you could do a simple search on my website to find more: A Husband Should Be a Spiritual Strong Man Protecting His Family (Matthew 12:29) and Husbands Love Your Wives as Christ Loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25).

  2. I think the way you put this is better than most. The problem with these types of views that I find are that men argue that Scripture gives them some sort of permanent upper hand in marriage, which is not the case. Too many see helper or helpmeet as ‘personal assistant’ and not the source of strength of translation of ‘Ezer’. Women faced with these views will naturally push back against something that demeans our equal dignity as persons made in the image and likeness of God. And you describe well how people are individuals first with our own attributes and frailties so it’s a mistake to conflate what you are as a man or woman with what you do as a person. As far as women working, the proverbs wife is industrious. I have been a stay at home wife, worked full time and now work part time since my kids are older. So it’s good to acknowledge that there are seasons to life as well. There’s the we have a baby or small children season, the someone lost a job season, there’s a recession season, the kids are mostly grown season and a boon in someone’s career season. It’s good to be flexible and nimble as life happens. People who have rigid or extreme thinking are the ones to stay away from. That’s why I think your article is better than most on this topic.

    1. Hello Carol,
      Yes, I agree with you that people can misunderstand what it means for a wife to be a helper or helpmeet. Did you find anything I wrote that you disagreed with?
      As I wrote in the post I see liberty for women to do things outside the home as long as they don’t neglect their primary responsibilities to their husband, children, or home.

  3. Dear Pastor Scott,
    I most definitely agree with you that building our relationship with Christ is indeed the best preparation for those seeking to become a husband or wife.

  4. Dear Pastor LaPierre, I came across your book excerpt while looking for the veracity of my understanding that the term used in Genesis 2 was indeed helpmeet and not help mate. I feel the deficiency in the man (and the woman as each is to be a helpmeet to the other) can be viewed in more than a worldly manner; husbands and wives are in a unique position to help one another work out their salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12). Instead of Purity rings for our youth which relegates marriage to simply God’s design for sex we should be exhorting believers to view themselves as Bunyon did: pilgrims on a journey; and how the marriage covenant can contribute to the success of that endeavor.

    And by the way, your second point in your response to Kyle was spot-on!

    1. Hello Richard,
      Nice to hear from you. Sorry it took me so long to respond!

      Well said. I agree with you. Purity is important, but we need to be spending even more time helping our young people grow in their relationships with Christ. That, more than anything else, will help them become godly husbands and wives.

      And thanks for the feedback on the response to Kyle!

  5. Scott,
    I think this article was well done. Thank you for putting this information together in a short form that can be read in one setting. I am a wife of 46+ years and a mother of seven sons and three daughters. Our culture does encourage women to be in the workplace, but being a keeper of the home is, I believe, a necessary place for mothers. A job might be more inviting with the option of dressing nicely and working professionally brings the rewards of financial security but being in the home for the life labs of raising children and training them in the ways of Christ is much more in line scripturally. The fruit may not be seen until you have adult children who choose to follow Christ. It is swimming upstream against the flow of the world but if we desire our children to stand against the tide of the world, they must be strong in the Word and willing to make the same choices of following Christ. Marriage and parenting require us to die to ourselves and embrace the cross. It comes with many rewards. If a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it abides alone but if it dies, it brings forth much fruit. Our children are all adults now and they love each other dearly. As they have taken on wives and husbands and have families of their own, the dynamics of our family continue to change, and we are changed as well, continuing to be shaped into who He wants us to be.

    1. Hello Melissa,
      Nice to hear from you. Thank you for letting me know. I also want to thank you for your testimony as a wife and mother. You are setting a wonderful example for the younger women (Titus 2). Katie and I feel like we are in the trenches, so thank you for your wonderful encouragement. God bless!

  6. I thoroughly enjoyed reading all you have provided. It definitely helped to put into context what I wanted to say when asked to explain. We are all striving to be a better individual in the body of Christ and we all have work to do on ourselves especially those who are married who carry a great responsibility. It’s no manual to each individual and each circumstance as we live with everyday duties but I’m learning transparency is most needed. You have really helped and encouraged me in my time of need as I continue trying to be what God has created me to be and I thank God for the scriptures that guide us in the direction we need to go. Bless you and continue doing the work of the Lord. Peace and blessing unto you!

  7. Thank you so much. This article enlightened me. I have resolved in my heart to love, praise, and appreciate my wife.

  8. The solution to African Churches is exactly what you have written. I am going to teach my family members beginning tomorrow 13-02-2023. God bless.

  9. That’s not true. The vast majority of research on this topic shows that women who work are really happy, even happier than women who are stay at home moms:

    A study conducted by Penn State University suggests that people, especially women are happier at their workplace than their home. The possible reason behind this could be that women are less stressed at work as compared to home.,work%20as%20compared%20to%20home.

    Here is a study showing that women are more happier and engaged in their work than men are. The search surveyed over 1200 UK employees about their happiness, enthusiasm, pride, and efficiency at work:

    A study’s results were published in a Journal of Family Psychology article entitled “Mothers’ Part-Time Employment: Associations With Mother and Family Well-Being,” by Cheryl Buehler, PhD., and Marion O’Brien, PhD, both of the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. The study collected data from more than 1,300 mothers from 10 different U.S. locations. It took place over a period of ten years (1991-2001) beginning shortly after the birth of each mother’s child. The participants came from a variety of backgrounds: one-fourth of the participants were ethnic minorities and 14 percent were single moms. The study was designed to measure maternal well-being. The results revealed that moms who work part-time or full-time outside of the home during their child’s infancy and toddler years were happier and had stronger feelings of well-being than stay-at-home moms. Additionally, moms who worked outside of the home were healthier and happier overall.

    Conducted by Adrianne Frech and Sarah Damaske, the study analyzed women who became mothers between 1978 and 1995. After adjusting for other influencers, such as prior health, prior employment, marital status and age at baby’s birth, the researchers concluded that moms who work full time are happier and healthier than moms who stay at home, work part time, or moms who find themselves repeatedly out of work.

    According to a 2012 Gallup poll of more than 60,000 U.S. women, non-employed moms of young children are more likely to report anger and sadness, and they are also more likely to have ever been diagnosed with depression than their employed counterparts. Even when controlled for age, stay-at-home moms were still more likely to have emotional difficulties than employed moms. They were less likely to describe themselves as thriving or to say they smiled a lot or laughed a lot yesterday.

    A new high of 56% of U.S. women would prefer to work outside the home rather than stay home and take care of the house and family.

    Female workers are happier than their male colleagues, according to a survey on job satisfaction by the research firm NDP Group Inc. The survey of 2,500 people found that 40 percent of women gave their jobs top rating in overall satisfaction as opposed to only 31 percent of men. Women gave higher ratings on work environment (37 percent to 30 percent for men); day-to-day job responsibilities (40 percent to 33 percent); and number of working hours (43 percent to 33 percent).

    Beja Jr. (2014) used data from the World Values Survey that spanned people in the ages of 18 to 70, and they found that working wives reported higher rates of life satisfaction than housewives. According to the author, “results show that a housewife, a part-time working wife, or a self-employed wife is not significantly happier than a full-time working wife at the 0.05 significance level. If a 0.10 significance level is acceptable, then a housewife appears to be less happy than a full-time working wife (p=0.07).”

    Moving onto other areas of well-being, data from 2,440 U.S. adults (21+) showed that employed wives have lower distress scores than homemakers Kessler and Mcrae 1982.

    Wright (1978) remarked that there are no consistent, substantial, or statistically significant differences in happiness between housewives and working women.

    Benin and Nienstedt (1985) utilized GSS data from 1978, 1980, 1982, and 1983 which were then combined. After looking at the data, there were no striking differences between housewives and working women in terms of their happiness.

    The husbands of working women are happier than the husbands of homemakers, according to a University of Michigan study.

    1. Hello Kyle,
      Or perhaps your name is Margaret? I just finished responding to one of your comments on another post and I could tell that you probably didn’t read my post thoroughly. After searching for your comment on the Internet to see if you leave it on other posts it always took me back to the same website. The comment is word for word from posts on the site I found. I started responding to your comment and will leave what I wrote, but considering that it seems like you didn’t thoroughly read my post, but simply copied parts of posts from Margaret’s site (or your own site if you are Margaret using a different name), I don’t want to put further time into responding.

      We can find material to support any view. I have seen people do this to defend homosexuality and abortion. This situation is a good example: I cited articles that support my view and you cited articles that support your view. How can this be resolved?

      One possibility is examining the articles cited. I used studies, but most of your articles were from biased blogs. The one article I found in your comment that seemed to quote a legitimate study was conducted by Penn State University. Here’s a quote from that article: “Having kids mitigates the stress of being at home, adds the study.” Even the study acknowledges how much happier these women would be if they were having children versus staying at home by themselves. I think this argues my point versus arguing women working. Women should invest in their husband, home, and children as God’s word commands. Any honest reading of Titus 2:3-5 makes this perfectly clear:

      Titus 2:3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

      The view you are arguing reviles God’s Word. That’s not my opinion. It is exactly what verse five says. I can only hope that you don’t call yourself a Christian if you promote information that dishonors God’s word or blasphemes it as it is translated in the New King James.

      This brings me to my second point. Even if studies argued your point the question is not what the world finds and studies. The question is what does God’s Word say and it is abundantly clear that women should take care of their homes and families whether they would be happier in the workplace. The issue is not whether we can find teaching the supports our view. The issue is whether we want to agree with God or the world.

Do you have a question or thought? If so, please let me know. I do my best to respond to each comment.

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